You’ve sat down and had an intense and emotional one-on-one conversation with her dad. You’ve shopped across the city for the perfect diamond for your best friend. You’ve planned the perfect place to ask her the question. You’ve given a heartwarming speech that she won’t remember because she’s so excited. Now you’re engaged. Time to start planning the wedding. For most grooms-to-be, wedding planning is a frightening journey of all things guys can’t stand: planning, talking, shopping, trying on clothes, arguing, crying, and looking fancy. But the engagement process shouldn’t be a nightmare for grooms, here are some easy tips to survive and thrive during the wedding planning phase.
Don’t Debate, but Have Opinions: It’s easy for guys to separate themselves from the wedding planning, especially when the fangs and claws come out about minute things like ribbon color. But don’t use that as an excuse to not have an opinion. Your fiancé wants to see you engaged and involved in the planning process. That doesn’t mean to openly debate about table placement with the mother of the bride, but you need to consistently voice your thoughts and opinions. This will make the bride feel valued and loved.
Be Supportive: In every step of the wedding planning you need to be supportive. Use words of affirmation and actions as a way to support your bride during the emotional roller coaster of planning a wedding. Many times this means you will have to step in and be the leader on decisions. “Saving the day” is important to establish early in the engagement. This usually happens when your future in-laws are using a planning decision as an emotional escape. No mother of the bride cares that much about the invitation font, it’s usually a symbol of coping with her daughter growing up.
Focus on the Important Things: After buying the ring and proposing, the groom can feel like his job is over but this is far from true. Although men probably won’t have to do a majority of the wedding planning, it’s important for them to focus on the important things leading to marriage. Continue to love and swoon your bride throughout the engagement period. Focus on your relationship and how you will live your future life together. Marriage counseling is required by many churches and religious denominations, but don’t leave the discussion to a couple one-hour sessions. Continue to mold and develop the relationship throughout the engagement to create a better marriage in the future.
Do Fun Things: The worst thing for an engaged couple is to only talk about the wedding when you’re together. Do fun things throughout your engagement. If necessary, do a “no wedding talk” clause before you take your fiancé out on a creative date. Helping her get away from the planning process will help your relationship and the planning as a whole.
Do Stuff with the Bros: This will be the last time you’re able to spend real guy time before you get married. Take a long weekend (aka a bachelor party) or make planned and regular “chill time” with your buddies. You’ll never be able to go back after your married, so take advantage of the time you have now. Plus, time with guys will help you remain sane throughout the planning process and remind how great your bride is.
Guest author Luke Berris is a groom to-be and a contributor to the website of The Gateways Inn, a wedding destination in Lenox, MA.